time.

I keep getting this feeling a lot that I don't measure up to my expectations. not even expectations that I set for myself, because if I'm being honest with myself those aren't even that high. so maybe that's why I feel short handed with the ones set for me. I just feel like I try a lot.. and I don't really know how to make things different, like how do you make someone trust you? how do you make someone talk to you? how do you make someone close to you. it's not even fair that they already get that but I have to wait around and earn it? its aggravating. am I not trying hard enough? and I can see that there isn't exactly as much done on my part.. but I don't know, I don't know how to change it. I always just thought that if I were in the other persons shoes then I would be content with being with me. but maybe that's just me being self centered or something. I think I just would like to be with myself, because then we would see eye to eye :P but seriously, I give so much trust and faith I just want it back. maybe it's just because I already have security with knowing that nothing will happen that I think that way. but then again before anything that's how I pictured myself with anyone. I feel like we suit each other well because we balance each other out, but it's like a crazy opposite balance like almost completely opposite. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just can't sleep and am thinking too much. there isn't any getting to the bottom of it, I've gone in this mind loop over and over a thousand times. I think that time is all everything needs. time is all anything ever needs. well I say that I hate time. I hate it for being so damn slow. I want results now.
but in reality, the time it takes to get to a point is when everything good happens. the things you don't really expect come out of that time. which are usually the best things